The sandwich generation: challenges and tips for coping

With the high costs of health care and an increasingly aging population, it's not surprising that many people rely on family for everyday care giving assistance.¹ More caregivers are also taking care of their own children, increasing the challenge. They need additional resources and better strategies to manage everything more effectively. Are you a part of this “sandwich generation” of caregivers? This article can help you better understand:

• Challenges the sandwich generation faces.

• Tips to help manage your challenges.

• Financial strategies to manage costs.

What is the sandwich generation?

The sandwich generation is a term used to describe working adults who are responsible for caring for both their own children as well as their aging parents. Our proprietary research shows that they’re often between the ages of 35-55, but many are younger — and others are approaching retirement age.² 56% of these caregivers are women, and 44% are men.³ With an increasingly aging population⁴ and many adults in or nearing retirement unable to afford long-term care,⁵ the number of adults acting as caregivers to multiple generations will continue to increase. It’s estimated that 73 million Americans⁶ will be 65 years or older by 2030, and many will eventually need assistance from at least one caregiver to maintain their quality of life.

Challenges faced by the sandwich generation

It takes a lot to care for children and aging parents at the same time. While some only care for one parent, others may ultimately provide assistance for two or more adult dependents, including both parents, in-laws, aunts, and uncles. All that effort can take a toll on finances, career advancement, and mental and physical health.

Financial strain

Raising children is a major expense: A Brookings Institute study⁷ estimated that parents will spend an average of $310,605 to raise a child born in 2015. Over the past few years, inflation has worsened their finances, with 61% of adults saying it has created "severe" or "moderate" hardship.⁸ Also, a third of people in their 30s are still paying off student loans.⁹

Caregiving only adds to their financial challenges, especially since many caregivers’ careers are often impacted. Unsurprisingly, a 2023 study found that 67% have trouble balancing their jobs and caregiving duties. As a result, 27% of working caregivers shifted from full-time to part-time work, 16% have turned down a promotion, and 16% stopped working entirely for a period of time.¹⁰

Reduced working hours, declining promotions that would come with a raise, and of course, quitting a job can reduce household income. And all too often, medical and living expenses rise as well: 80% of caregivers¹¹ report regular out-of-pocket expenses related to looking after their loved one.

Lack of personal time

As the sandwich generation struggles to balance parenting and caregiving duties, it almost always cuts into personal time. This can impact friendships and even marriages, because it’s harder to spend quality time with important people in your life.

Burnout

Caregiver burnout¹² refers to feelings of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. It commonly happens to people who help to take care of family members or dependents. While those symptoms are bad enough, burnout can increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and fatigue and start a vicious cycle that negatively impacts how you show up as a worker, parent, and caregiver.

Managing logistics

Adult children caring for aging parents typically spend a lot of time managing their parents' affairs, including helping with shopping, booking appointments, and taking them to doctor appointments, as well as other activities — all while trying to run their own households. These logistics can be highly complex and stressful to manage.

Navigating complex family dynamics

When adult children act as caregivers for their parents, it can impact other family relationships. One spouse may not be happy about all the time and effort spent on caregiving duties. Children can get upset about receiving less attention. Or, the aging parent may struggle with their new and seemingly diminished role. Caregiving relationship strain¹³ can create resentments that affect everyone in the family.

Tips for managing caregiving challenges

While there are many challenges to being in the sandwich generation, there are also resources and strategies that can help alleviate some of the stress and enable you to get to all the things you need to do — and even some of the things you want to do.

Stay organized²

Managing three generations in one household can be chaotic, especially as caregiving requirements shift and evolve. One of the best ways to combat chaos is with better organizational skills. These tips can help:

• Keep a synced family calendar to track all obligations.

• Take notes in important meetings and appointments, especially if burnout is impacting your memory or you’re sharing caregiving duties with others.

• Create predictable routines, which can be particularly important for aging parents who feel out of control of their own lives.

• Have a plan in place for emergencies, including who will care for your children or aging dependents, for example if someone needs to be taken to the ER.

• Keep records and have important documents like wills, advanced living directives, and power of attorney papers in one accessible location.

• Set realistic expectations, communicating clearly with all involved family members about future plans.

There are some tools that may help you stay organized. These include the following:

• Family calendar apps, which can help multiple family members track essential appointments and better manage their schedule.

• Note taking apps to help you keep track of what’s discussed in doctor’s appointments and other essential meetings.

• Have a digital dropbox with all essential paperwork, including advanced wills, powers of attorney, and more to access on-demand if needed.

Get help

While the idea of getting help may seem obvious, a lot of caregivers either forget to ask for it or assume there’s none available. But even though you have more responsibilities, it doesn’t mean that you have to do it all alone. Caregiving support and resources are available:

• Ask for help from other family members, including teens and young adults. If possible, get relatives to take over one or more chores on a regular basis.

• Look for local or virtual emotional support groups for caregivers.

• Get one-on-one therapy from a mental health professional.

• Consider adult daycare programs if available in your area. And if finances permit and its something you’re comfortable with, visit some assisted living centers with your parents and talk to them about the benefits of moving to a place that offers more comprehensive support than you may be able to provide.

Ways to manage the financial challenges of caregiving

Financial strategies and planning play an important part in dealing with the costs that come with caregiving — and can help you save for your own retirement at the same time:

• Look into state or federal financial support programs for caregivers and/or elderly dependents (include VA benefits for parents who served in the military). These can help cover the costs of some in-home assistance or pay stipends for caregivers in certain situations.¹⁴

• If the aging adult is considered a qualified dependent, you may be able to add more funds to a workplace FSA or HSA, (Flexible Spending Account or Health Savings Account) which offers tax advantages and can be used to cover qualifying medical expenses.¹⁵

• Look through their files to see if your family member has disability income insurance, either from a private policy or through a government program. This can provide regular benefit payments to help cover living costs.

• Determine if an elderly adult is eligible for Medicaid. Depending on your state, they may also qualify for financial assistance that includes caregiver payments.

• Don’t neglect your own retirement — start or continue to invest in retirement savings accounts. You can monitor your progress with this retirement calculator.

• Speak to an elder care or estate planning attorney, or a financial professional, to understand your financial obligations to your aging parents and how to best use any savings or assets they have.

Guardian can help

Insights and resources for family caregivers

Older adult caregiving duties can be particular challenging to deal with. Here are some things to consider and helpful supports. Go>